The End is Nigh: Getting the Most from your Apocalypse Experience (Part 2: Making Peace with “God”)

How does one make peace with the Almighty? First, you have to believe in an Almighty. If you do not believe in an Almighty, then you can skip this section and go straight to part 3. Congratulations! You move to the head of the class.

As for the rest of you suckers… hey, I believe in an Almighty, too. Well, not so much an “Almighty” as an omnipotence, a collective awareness or consciousness, a Universal Mind, if you will. I believe in God – in a manner of speaking. I do not believe there is a guy in flowing white robes and beard sitting in the clouds watching everything we do. What do I believe? I am so glad you asked. Here is what I believe: We are a hybrid species created by an extraterrestrial (or perhaps ultraterrestrial) race, but they themselves were wittingly or unwittingly serving a higher consciousness, a Universal Mind, a “God” for lack of a better term, when they created us. Actually, it was the aliens that created our modern selves from the australopithecines, and these aliens were the “god” or “gods” we always heard about. Why do you think we learned that God was “up there somewhere”?

Aside from their falsified god status, these aliens were the tools that produced another sentient race (us), most likely having been created in a similar fashion themselves. Sentience begets sentience, which implies that it came from somewhere and that is why I believe in God. It is just reproduction on a cosmic scale. As above, so below. The Universal Mind or God wants to create others like it, just as most other living things do. Again, as above, so below. And ultimately, that is why we are here: To learn to be like “Gods” ourselves. To master our minds, unlock their full potential and begin creating, to balance out all of the destroying that goes on in the universe. Here, in this corporeal meat form, we are larvae… we are the young pups, the wee tots, the ones who are on the pre-school level (or perhaps kindergarten). It is our goal to learn what we need to move on to the first grade. The beings that created us are probably in the third grade… they’re the big kids, but they aren’t the teachers. Get me? They taught us a few things – the equivalent of dirty words and a rudimentary concept of where babies come from, but the BIG learning is handed down from Teachers… and it will be a long, long time before any of us are on that level. And by Teachers I do not, of course, mean your twelfth grade math teacher or your history professor. They are on the same doltish level as you, really. No, in this respect, when I say Teachers (with a capital T), I mean those higher consciousnesses that communicate with you in such a way that you don’t even realize you are being communicated with. You just think you had a brilliant idea. But you didn’t. Of course you didn’t. Come on – it’s you, the person who locked your keys in your car or looked for twelve minutes for the glasses that were on your head. No, it came from someplace else. Someone – something – way beyond your conceptual brain and yet still able to touch your mind, put an idea in there to guide you in the right direction to learn your next lesson. And thus, we all eventually move up in grades by learning to listen for those little messages from The Universe or whatever. Incidentally, if you are receiving “messages” from your dog or the toaster or something in this corporeal world, ignore them and get some medication ASAP. This is not to say there are no Teacher’s Assistants here with us. The Buddhists call them Bodhisattvas.

In short, it is all about moving upward in your awareness and knowledge. And as you move up, you have to learn to let go of the things that no longer serve your ultimate purpose. We covered this in Part 1. Do you remember in that one section when I belittled you for wanting to take your stupid-ass TV with you when you died? Imagine going into elementary school, still dragging your nappy-time mat from kindergarten. Like you wouldn’t get laughed at?

We were created by this universe’s omnipotent awareness – God, to use the common vernacular– to become omnipotently aware ourselves. Quantum physics and the good people at CERN have already shown that there are MULTIPLE universes… and all of those universes aren’t going to just create themselves. They need a consciousness. They need Gods. They need people like you… God help us. No, not people like you as you are now, but as you will hopefully become. They need you to figure out what you’re doing wrong and eventually become the sort of being that can create a universe and manage it in a responsible and enlightened manner. Right now you couldn’t create your way out of a wet paper sack.

Speaking of wet paper sacks, if you are thinking there is a universe that is run by your John Boehner/Michelle Bachmann types, you could not be more horribly incorrect. There is no Hell, really, but there should be just for that kind of greed and self-serving ignorance. In fact, no one can condemn you to Hell but you – YOU are your own ultimate judge, because only YOU can be truly honest with yourself. Deep, deep down in your subconscious – the place where you store all of your memories, not just the happy memories – you are truly honest. YOU know what you did. You need to forgive yourself. If you end up in Hell, then you did some really horrible shit and it fucked up your mind so much that it is intent on destroying itself. No good can come of you, so you are recycled. This is what will happen to the U.S. Congress, corporate heads, and banksters of this world.

Some of us, however, come to terms, we make amends, and we move on… only to get returned to this very plane of existence because we still have a lot to learn. You and I have both lived (and died) many, many times before. Some of us still carry scars or memories in some form or another. Some of us remember a lot more than that. Ever read about those children that remember a whole other life? They can name towns, relatives, and sometimes even speak some other language fluently? Freaky, right?

But I digress. Making your peace with your own chosen Almighty is not that hard, because in the end, the Almighty is you. And you love you. At least you should, because if you start talking about this shit at parties, no one else will love you. Believe me, I know whereof I speak.

To make peace, be at peace. Meditate. Pray. Sing songs of devotion to a better world and a more ethical existence. Make your heart smile. Do something to make the world a better place, and thereby yourself a better person (and vice-versa). And then pull the trigger.

No, wait, back up a second. It’s the apocalypse, after all. If you pull the trigger, you’ll miss the whole show. Suicide is a waste. Never take yourself out of the game. Even if you are losing to the point of humiliation, even if you are down by a billion points, don’t you dare head into the locker room before the clock runs out. That is a cowardly move. Unless you are in horrible physical pain or discomfort and there is no known medical solution between that and death. If you are just suffering, then go ahead and take yourself out. There is no shame in that. We offer that Get Out of Pain Free card to animals, shouldn’t we humans be on that list, too?

But if it is just that you think life is hard, or you feel really bad at the moment, screw it. It will pass. In the meantime, do stuff to take your mind off of it. Have some fun and a sense of adventure, for God’s sake. Stay on the field. Try some Harlem Globetrotter antics. Make an ass of yourself. Annoy the fuck out of everyone else. Write bizarre letters to the OpEd section of your local newspaper. Deliver some toys to sick kids in the hospital. What the hell do you care? You were gonna kill yourself! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain now, so stick it out and stick around. You never know what could happen when you stop giving a shit. You may end up as that crazy old bastard who sits on park benches in an open bathrobe, screaming at the pigeons. You may get your own television show. It’s a wild world, baby – stick around just for the fuck of it. Just remember the two rules of being good at being human:

  •  Never hurt anyone else
  •  Never enforce your opinions or beliefs on others

You remember those two rules, and the very worst that will happen to you when you do die is you will reincarnate and come right back here (or to an equivalent existence in a parallel universe) with a clean slate.

That’s the best I can tell you for making peace with the Almighty. Remember, we are all just God talking to herself. (See what I did there? I made God into a female entity to appease the women! They love that, and it just may score me some points if I ever meet a gal and she Googles me and reads this book. But come on – we all know God’s a dude.)

PART 3

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