Fifth-Column Fernando

I just had the awkward experience of having a friend come out to me. And he’s not gay or pansexual or anything like that (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Actually, he came out to me as an alien. And not just from another country, but from an entirely different civilization. How am I supposed to respond to that?

Obviously, I cannot use my friend’s real name, so I am calling him “Fernando” for the sake of this article. My reasoning for this name choice is two-fold: 1) It offers a nice alliteration to the term “fifth column” which will come into play in a big way later in the article. 2) ABBA, dude. ABBA.


Even the Swedish Super Group knew there was something in the air that night

So what does this all mean? I really have no idea. All I can do is relate to you the events leading up to this peculiar disclosure. You see, I teach. Sort of. It’s hard to explain. Actually, it’s very easy to explain, but it’s very boring, and I am not proud of it, so I will just say it’s hard to explain and move on. Nonetheless, one of my favorite points to bring up in a lecture each semester is how wording is everything, and synonyms can be very powerful tools of misdirection. I begin by showing my students a short YouTube video about the “Government Cover-Up of Alien Life” — whichever one is recent and well-made, but any of the billions that exist will do, really. And then I open the floor to comments. After a nice discussion has been started over the existence of extraterrestrials and whether or not they have visited Earth — and interestingly, this topic always sparks a lively discussion among students, who by nature refuse to speak at all, and each year I notice more students fall on the side of True Believers — I make them a bet. The bet goes like this:

“I will bet you that I can prove, beyond any doubt, that UFOs are real and that aliens walk on Earth among us.” They always stare at me for a second, and then ask for points of clarification, to which I respond, “No clarification needed, that’s it. I can prove to you, right now, that UFOs are very real, and that there are aliens walking on this earth — right here in this very community, in fact. No trickery.”

Usually, they take the bet. Sadly, the university has rules against gambling and against professors taking money from students, so I have to make it a bet for something like extra homework, which I hate as much as they do. After they have taken the bet, I remind them that “UFO” does not mean “alien spaceship.” It is simply an acronym for Unidentified Flying Object, and the skies are full of those, whether they be drones, unmarked aircraft, or Chinese lanterns. As for “aliens walk among us,” I simply show them my Alien Registration Card, which states that I am a registered visitor from another country. I then remind them that the word “alien” does not have to mean “space alien,” and that anyone with citizenship from one country who lives in another country is by definition an alien.

This explanation is usually met with groans from the students. But I digress. This past semester, I had a friend visiting. This friend is, of course, the aforementioned Fernando, and he sat in on my lecture so that we could go out drinking right after. And we did. At first, right after leaving campus, he seemed very quiet and distracted, which is unusual for Fernando. He’s usually quite chatty. Seven short hours later, we were in a nice local pub and feeling quite intoxicated. Fernando had begun to be his usual talkative self, and he finally got around to complimenting me on my lecture and said he enjoyed the bet about the aliens walking among us. Of course, he followed this up with, “What would you say if I told you that I was an alien?” I replied, “Is your name Ford Prefect?” referencing the book The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams, a liking of which I remembered had been a commonality that had cemented our early friendship.


A must-read .

Well, you can imagine how the rest of this conversation went. I won’t bore you with the details, mainly because I cannot remember most of them. The more I made fun of him for trying to trick me, the more he seemed to enjoy feeding me bits of information that would result in a raised eyebrow or a rare moment of stunned silence as I tried to think of another wisecrack to break the awkward silence. He mentioned being part of a “fifth column” of observers from “beyond the veil” (as he put it) between our two civilizations. He assured me that he was human, from a purely genetic perspective, but that his biological form had been enhanced with nanotechnology, which prevented him from getting sick, gave him an eidetic and photographic memory (a distinction which he had to explain to me), and could, if he so chose, halt his aging process at any time. It was at this point that I found myself thinking about how I had known him for nearly fifteen years and yet he didn’t seem to have aged all that much, certainly not as much as I had.

I remember him asking the bartender for a deck of cards, which all good bartenders keep behind the bar for the occasional card trick which drunks like to try to show off every once in a while. Fernando had me shuffle the cards, and then start laying them down, face-up, one on top of another. I went through half the deck and he stopped me by saying, “Okay, that’s enough.” He then told me to pick up the cards and fan them out, and follow along as he named each and every card in the correct order without being able to see them. That was impressive to me, but then, I was pretty drunk at the time. Thinking back on it now in the sober light of day, it’s still pretty damned impressive.

Fernando also speaks my language (English, obviously), his native language (French, for some reason), and the language of the country we were drinking in, and the country in which he currently resides (China, or so I thought) — all fluently. I have never asked him how many languages he can speak, but he never seems to have any trouble with any languages he encounters.

We did some shots. We invited the bartender to join us when we handed the playing cards back over to her. After the shots and some mild flirting, she ran far away and left us to continue our chat. I felt I had run out of jokes at this point as that card trick had left me wondering. After all, I am one of those True Believers. I do honestly believe… no, there is no belief needed at this point. I am aware that there is at least one extraterrestrial presence involved here on Earth, and I was aware of this before Fernando decided to come out to me. I asked him, “Why now, Fernando? And why are you telling me ?” He replied that I had an open mind, and he had been impressed by how I addressed the topic with my students, and that we had discussed the issue before, I just didn’t remember.


There’s no belief. You’re either aware, or you’re in denial.

We ended up back in his hotel room because I wanted to drink more and he wanted to show me something that he could not show me in public, not even if he whipped it out in the men’s room because someone could walk in on us and leave him with a lot of explaining to do. Sounds shameful, doesn’t it? Well, it’s going to be a disappointing story for you if you are hoping this will take that sort of a turn. What he had to show me was a small device, hand-held, and looked like a dildo, I shit you not. And still I tell you this is NOT that sort of story. This device emitted sound waves somewhere in the 8 MHz to 20 MHz range (if I remember correctly. Unlike Fernando, I am not good with numbers). Whatever range it is, it is not audible to humans or animals, he said. I certainly couldn’t hear it. At the lower range, I thought I could almost hear a faint whirring sound, but what do I know? I was drunk. And I didn’t have a hamster with me to test the animal claim. As I said, this is NOT that sort of story.

We went into the bathroom, and Fernando turned on the shower. He held the device under the water and the water moved around the object. It didn’t get hit with a single drop. Fully-clothed, he got into the shower with the device, and the water arched over him like he was holding an invisible umbrella, which, he said, he was. He let me try it. I stood there in the shower, a bottle of beer in one hand and Fernando’s Magic Dildo in the other, howling that that was the most amazing thing I had ever seen. He was chuckling. “See?” he said. “It’s a simple technology, and yet your side hasn’t come up with it yet! You’ve had your cumbersome umbrellas for, what, over four-thousand years now, and still no new developments? We’re going to give you another seven to ten years, and if no one has developed it by then, then we’re going to seed it out to you.” He paused, and then added, “Probably.”


He has a point. 4000 years or so, and these things are still as awkward as ever. Walking down a crowded street on a rainy day requires protective eye-wear, and it doesn’t exactly free up your hands.

I asked him what he meant by “probably” despite all of the other questions that were clambering at the forefront of my skull. He said sometimes he hears they will “seed” something, and they never do. Sometimes, things just pop up in our open market, like WiFi and such. I told him WiFi was invented by the military, and he said, “No, actually, one of us seeded it back in the 1960s. Eva Kiesler, but she was known to your people as Hedy Lamarr, an actress.” I thought he had made a Blazing Saddles joke, so I laughingly corrected him: “Hedley!” He looked confused for a second, then remembered that line from the classic Gene Wilder/Mel Brooks movie and smiled.

“See?” he said. “That’s why I’m telling you all of this. You’re intelligent, laid-back, and you have the sense of humor to roll with it.” I was touched. I really do think that is the nicest compliment anyone has ever paid me. I was so delighted by the comment that I forgot about the odd Hedy Lamarr reference. Instead, I stepped out of the shower, still bone-dry, and asked him what other tricks he had in the bag. He adjusted something on the Magic Dildo and inserted it into the wall. Into the wall. The thing just slipped right into the plaster, right through it, leaving only a slightly blurry ring around the point of penetration. It literally went through a solid wall without breaking it. It didn’t even do so much as tear the wallpaper. He moved it around, and then pulled it back out and shut it off. I was dumbstruck. He walked out of the bathroom, leaving me there, running my hands over the still-intact solid wall like one of the cavemen poking the monolith at the beginning of 2001: A Space Odyssey.

After I had found my way out of the bathroom, he tossed the object to me, but I was afraid to even touch it, so it landed on the carpeted floor with a light thump. He laughed, and explained that it used sound waves to change the vibration frequency of atoms so that seemingly “solid” objects could pass right through one another. He used an analogy involving bullets passing through the propellers of Sopwith Camels, how the plane’s propellers looked almost like solid discs when they were spinning, but the bullets were timed to pass precisely through the blades without touching them.


Not only that, but they could be cloaked to look like a beagle flying a dog house.

He said frequencies could carry over from one solid object to another, and allow living beings to pass through solid walls. He also said that sound waves could lift heavy objects by changing the vibrational frequencies of the atmosphere around them. I asked when they were going to seed that technology to our civilization, and he said they weren’t. Keeping us out of the rain was one thing, but giving us the ability to walk through walls could easily be abused by certain factions within our society. He said they thought of us as children, and they had to be the strict parents who decided when we were responsible enough to get the latest toys.

At this point, what with the booze and the magic tricks, my head was spinning. We sat down at the little awkwardly-constructed hotel table and opened a couple of more beers as he laid out the history of his people. I am writing what I remember, so consider the following the abridged version:

Human beings are a hybrid species created thousands of years ago as a labor force by an advanced species from another planet. Most people are already familiar with this scenario, so I won’t spend much time on it. The written record that became the Book of Genesis offers a very broad description of how these “Great Ones” created our species by genetically modifying Australopithecus with their own DNA. For a while, they lived quite comfortably on our backs, and treated us like slaves. There was a social hierarchy, and the early humans that found favor with the Great Ones (“gods”) were treated as beloved pets, while the rest were used as a disposable labor force. Indeed, the “God” of the Old Testament was not a very nice entity. However, there were “animal lovers” within that alien society who took it upon themselves to try to educate the new labor force and teach them how they could become more than just pack mules.


I touch upon this in an earlier post, so no need to get into it here.

This caused some conflict among their race, and it resulted in a war that decimated our earlier civilizations. This war caught the attention of ultra-terrestrials, or pan-dimensional beings that exist here on Earth. Fernando explained that dimensions aren’t so much “other universes” as they are other worlds that exist on another frequency, different from our own. These pan-dimensionals did not like what the Great Ones had been doing. Creating a  hybrid sentient species was very much frowned upon, and not only by the pan-dimensionals, but by the ruling class of the home planet of our creators. A truce was struck, and it was decided that humans would be quarantined, and a sort of non-involvement treaty was created for all the advanced civilizations. Rather than wipe us out entirely, they would cull the herd and introduce a system of government with a human leadership that would take over after a sort of educational period during which we were ruled from afar by a joint interim government of the extra- and ultra-terrestrials. As they withdrew and were less visible to new generations of humans, they slipped into legend as their human heralds or liaisons assumed the duties of direct rule over the lower classes. These human leaders became kings. These lineages still survive today.


“I’m not inbred, YOU’RE inbred! … Oh. Well, then, I’ll just chop your genetically diversified head off, how’d that be, hm?”

Not all of the early humans were left to their own devices, however. Some who had found favor were adopted by some of the ET and UT entities and were taken to travel with them (read “taken up to walk with God”). These “chosen few” were allowed to co-exist in an advanced civilization that was created with more of a hands-on approach within another dimension here on Earth: The “Gatherings Beyond the Veil” as Fernando called it. They still act as a sort of liaison civilization between ours and the world of what we would have called “Gods.” As early human civilization developed, conflicts arose in support of various gods like drunks screaming about football teams, so it was decided to provide a sort of “world religion” that offered only one god. It helped a little, but… well, look at us today. We generally accept the idea of one God, so now we kill each other over how best to worship it. Still, the laws of non-interference have only grown stronger among the UTs (the ETs are still here, but there are many different races — four that Fernando knows of, although he suspects there may be more that have just gone unrecognized up to now). They seem to feel it is best for everyone if they keep their distance, considering what a primitive and volatile civilization ours is. Still, direction is handed down via the Gatherings (Cities) Beyond the Veil, i.e., Fernando’s people, since they can easily blend in with our society. Of course, over the millennia, even that leadership has fractured into vying factions, each with their own philosophy on how best to deal with the “human problem.” These philosophies range from direct rule to outright extermination and everything in between.

Fernando is part of what he calls a “fifth column,” a group of spiritually motivated UTs that live among us as on-site observers and sometime-guides. They feel it is in the best interest of all if they let humans evolve generally unmolested, offering guidance and technology where it is needed, although the technology is very rarely offered and when it is, it is only after long and thorough debate. The Magic Dildo he showed me is more along the lines of “next-step development,” meaning it is not too far removed from technologies that we are already familiar with, and so it doesn’t seem too shocking — that is, not shocking enough to knock us off our intended path of development. He summarized this notion with a book that he brought with him from his world that was entitled The Spaces Between. I took a picture of this one section of the book with my cell phone as he said no one would believe any of this anyway, so here it is, verbatim.

In case you didn’t take the time to click that link and read that excerpt, I will summarize: New technologies are introduced to our civilization only if we cannot pick up on the “inspiration” that is often provided via the more imaginative, intelligent, and open members of our society (open, that is, to subconscious grooming via dreams, Extreme-Low-Frequency messages, and other vague communications). These technologies can only be introduced if there can be a logical tracing from our current tech to the next-level stuff. Very rarely does something truly earth-shattering get through, and quite often these breakthroughs are accidental. There was quite a panic on both sides of the veil when they detonated that first A-Bomb at Alamogordo. Apparently, atomic bombs have a negative impact not just on our side of the vibrational barriers. This caused a rush of activity resulting in further carelessness, and we got the wreckage from Roswell.


Too soon?

Fernando talked and I listened for the entire night, and before I knew it, it was getting light outside. Fernando said there was so much more to tell, but he had covered the basics. He ended on a warning, a reminder that his is not the only faction at work at manipulating our civilization. There is a more menacing factor that has taken a much more direct approach by infiltrating the top echelons of world governments, most notably in the United States. These people have one goal: To get humanity to destroy itself. The extinction of our species will raise a lot of eyebrows if not done correctly, as it is a direct violation of the previously mentioned treaty of governance. If these entities directly attack and annihilate us, they could very well face the same in retaliation by the other members of the treaty. However, they believe that we represent a clear and present danger to all worlds, and therefore should be wiped out of existence.  And since direct interference on that scale would certainly draw the ire of every sentient civilization currently observing this mess, they have opted for a slow suicide. They give us just enough and turn us against one another just enough to kill ourselves. They don’t murder us outright, they just give us the gun and convince us to shoot ourselves in the head. Think of Hannibal Lecter whispering to Multiple Miggs in his cell at the lunatic asylum in Silence of the Lambs. Lecter, a hyper-intelligent entity, was offended by the crass abomination in the cell next door, so he directs him into self-destruction.


Frankly, Dr. Lecter, that’s the sort of thing Miggs would say.                                                                                                — Not anymore.

These entities will see us destroy ourselves, if not with open warfare, then with our own waste. They feed the greed that is inherent in our species, creating a ruling elite class that is centered in the reptilian part of the human brain. They don’t care about you or me — in fact, they want us all dead. And they are making great strides each and every day to ensure that we will not survive another 100 years. Just look at the laws currently being passed or lifted by the U.S. Congress. If they don’t scream self-destruction, nothing does. Once we have destroyed ourselves to the point of non-redemption, they will be given the all-clear to finish us off. Mitch McConnell and his ilk are big tools in the development of this plan. Donald Trump is the bull in the china shop. And not to politicize this, because both sides have been infiltrated and both are equally evil. Hillary Clinton and her basket of deplorables would have us marching to the same killing floor. The funny thing is, these greedy idiot “Elites” believe that when it’s all said and done, they will be spared and allowed into the “promised land” beyond the veil. Nope. According to Fernando, they, too, will be left to die here, probably facing a more horrifying death than the rest of us just for being greedy assholes. Either way, at this rate, we should be ripe for extermination within the next twenty to thirty years.

Fernando’s group is aware of this plot and are trying to drum up support to counteract it, but so far it is hard to get anyone on his side of the curtain to give a damn about us. They are also a developing civilization, albeit a far more advanced one, both spiritually and technologically, and they have their own problems on their own level with which to contend. As for the alien races from this dimension, they seem to be content in watching us as though we were entertainment. Indeed, the moon itself is apparently a huge observation platform upon which we lower humans were never meant to tread.


Actually, it’s both!

From time to time, they do make contact, but their contact seems to only serve the purpose of fucking with us for fun, or to support a genetic cross-breeding program utilizing our heartier traits to enhance some of their own weaker species before we go extinct. These races could extract the same material from Fernando’s people, but due to their being regarded as fellow-UT/ETs, they are exempt from involuntary meddling. There is apparently a very complex hierarchy among these races, and a lot of cross-breeding involved. These sorts of programs usually require a treaty of some sort, but Fernando is not certain that there is really any sort of a treaty between our civilization and the race(s) that is harvesting our genetic material. There is, he says, an “unofficial” treaty called the GREADA Treaty, but it is not really being honored by the ETs. It does involve a technology-for-DNA trade-off, but the ETs have violated the agreement several times in the last forty or so years.

It’s all a bit of a blur to me now, and Fernando has since gone back to wherever he came from. I thought he was currently living in China, but I am beginning to think that was a facade. The last thing Fernando said to me as I left his hotel and went to find a taxi was that his people and ours are one and the same, we are brothers and sisters, only his side of the family was given all of the benefits of our parents’ teachings and inheritance. You and I, however, were left out in the wilderness to fend for ourselves. Hopefully, our well-to-do siblings will eventually come and help us before we allow ourselves to be destroyed from within by a few greedy and corrupted assholes.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell

Not to politicize this as there are assholes on both sides, but don’t you just want to whack that face with a baseball bat?

In the end, Fernando said, “We are all standing on the shoulders of giants.”


Before I end this, here are a few random points that I wanted to squeeze into this story but could not find the most opportune insertion points:

  • Fernando also said that sound waves were used to build the Great Pyramid. Apparently, the frequency of the heavy blocks can be countered against that of the Earth’s gravity and lifted with little effort. Now that I think about it, this must be why he always let out a mocking “HA!” whenever we watched The Big Bang Theory. He must have found the line in the opening credits theme song that says “We built the pyramids” hilariously delusional.
  • Atlantis was a real place, and the ruins of it can still almost be seen on the north-western coast of Africa in a region called the Richat Structure. The works of George S. Alexander and Natalis Rosen expand upon this.
  • Entities and visions of other frequencies often bleed into our own in areas of low resonance (such as the Bermuda Triangle). As Fernando put it, “Think of different radio stations broadcasting on different frequencies. They all co-exist, but what you hear depends on what frequency you are tuned into. Occasionally, these frequencies can overlap and bleed into one another, like two AM radio stations on a quiet night.” This phenomenon accounts for many random sightings, such as those investigated by author John Keel among others.
  • The Schumann Resonance, or the electromagnetic heart-beat of the Earth, has been steadily increasing since the late 1970s. It used to be so precise that the military would set their clocks by it. Fernando suspects this increase in frequency could result in a dissolving of the veil, which would cause other worlds such as his to flood into our own. If this is true, he suspects that this is the reason for the sudden rush to resolve the “human problem.” We are not helping things with advanced DARPA projects such as the HAARP array in Alaska.
  • The entities mentioned above have been occupying our world since before we were created, but our limited grasp of the extended world has limited our perceptions of their presence. Throughout the ages, we have been manipulated into seeing all sorts of strangeness, from elves, pixies, and goblins to Bigfoot, sea serpents, and “Motherships” such as the massive craft seen over Arizona in 1997. In fact, we only perceive what our minds can handle, and therefore we usually only see things that can fit into our own imaginations. Fernando says that the idea of “spaceships” is limited, and what we are seeing when we see those lights in the night sky is often something much more… but he will not elaborate. Keep in mind the phenomenon of negative hallucination. In 1770, when Captain James Cook’s ship Endeavour was off the east coast of Australia, the natives ignored it “as if it were invisible.” Some speculate that this was because the huge ship was such a leap from the natives’ own reality that their minds just ignored it, creating a sort of psychological invisibility as a defensive mechanism. Perhaps when we see some “UFOs” we are only seeing as much as our own minds are capable of reporting to our conscious selves?

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